Tip: Tell your spouse regularly how amazing you are. And believe it.
Ah, if you knew my father, you would understand how long I have been brainwashed into being confident. Sounds a bit bizarre, huh? Humor me for a moment and picture being awakened each morning to the baritone crooning of, “What makes me so handsome? What makes me so debonair?” Every morning, and I do mean EVERY morning, my father would gaze at himself, face of white foam beckoning his razor, singing these exact words to himself and for the rest of us to hear.
He was a master of self-promotion before it became a coined buzz phrase and would have you believe that his accomplishments- both big and small- were more significant than reality would have indicated. Beyond his borderline narcissistic opinion of his appearance, my father has rewritten himself as somewhat of a boyhood Philadelphia sports legend to those willing to listen, from street boxing to basketball and even ice skating. Do I, as an adult, believe all of his stories? It’s hard to say. But what’s more important is that the factual accuracy is of little importance. In my heart and in my mind he is a legend… largely because of how highly he regarded himself AND because his actions as a father were congruent with his self-created status.
Enter present day. As I juggle running a small (but growing) college consulting firm, being a devoted wife and amazing mother (note: self-promotion at work), I periodically think to myself, “Whoa, I’m impressed.” And I’ve come to realize that if you don’t acknowledge your wonderfulness, one of two things is bound to happen (or perhaps both): foremost, others will be less likely or perhaps even unable to see it; second, you will be defeated or, at the very least, come to have a defeated attitude. I don’t know about you but neither of these options whets my appetite.
So as I prepare a breakfast of hard boiled eggs, bacon, and fresh berries (of the straw and blue variety) and sliced pears, volunteer in my daughter’s kindergarten class, edit college essays for two clients, prepare shiitake & ginger-glazed salmon with sautéed kale and creamy risotto for dinner, wash two loads of laundry, engage in two college choice meetings, and conduct an 8 o’clock conference call with a client in Florida, I stand back and marvel at not just what I am able to do but who I am. Not arrogant or cocky (well, perhaps a little), but self-assured and ready to start anew tomorrow. Conversely, I could have focused on the 26 things that didn’t get done (notice I mentioned washing two loads of laundry but nothing about folding them) on any given day but why? Instead I choose to bestow upon myself positive affirmations and at least once (sometimes two or three times) ask my husband at some point during the day: “Do you know how lucky you are? You do realize how terrific your wife is, right?” To which he laughs, shakes his, and starts in on his equal or surpassing contributions (it goes both ways, you know) but not before his hugs or words of appreciation have been lavished on me.
Happy tooting- I’m off to yet another tremendous feat of a day…
